You know, I'm realizing more and more that sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, when she said something that I know logically, but neglect to keep it in mind these days and that is that: Art is subjective.
Three words. One truth. A very simple truth. Spoken from one creative mind to another. And yet, it is so profound in these crucial days of my artist journey.
I am about to embark on a new path. A shift in thinking about my work and my goals. A dive into reality, while merging a bridge between my passion of painting and my needs as any other artist/creative.
Most prolific is my need to share the beauty I see everyday--tiny people against tall buildings, the way the light hits a collection of bell peppers from the grocery store--and attempt to capture that in my work.
This need to share can only be enhanced through discipline, endurance, and hopefully, pronounced acceptance by my viewers, old and new to come, hopefully manifesting in the form of purchases. After all, art is an expensive hobby.
So, art is subjective.
And yet I am stifled by my very normal, but very loud, fears of producing "wrong art."
After years of defining my intelligence through numbers and grades, it's hard to shift into my right brain not just on the canvas, but in my being, in my right to exist.
There is no monopoly on beauty, expression, charm. Why then do I fear there's this monopoly on art?
So, here are some affirmations. I wish I could say they were daily but life is full of inconsistencies:
- First things first, I am a painter. I have been painting since the age of 14. Ten years later and with few classes in between, I am a very good painter. I didn't get worse. Contrary to the bad voices in my head.
- I have an eye for good art. This helps me in evaluating my own work, often times, too critically. Bottom line: I know when something sucks. I know when something can use more work. And I know when something's genius.
- I have a good sense of color. I love color. I dream in color.
- I can draw like nobody's business, which translates into better, more accurate compositions when I paint.
- I am incredibly self-effacing and I ought not to be.
- I am a really fast learner.
- I can do this. And dammit, I will.
I've been so worried about getting it wrong, when all along, there's more than one way to get it right.
And it's okay to be awesome.